Lastjourney Blog

What to Say When Someone Dies

Varun

12 August, 2022

Reading Time: 5 minutes

We find that dealing with unbearable loss is hard especially when we console someone in a state of devastation. Accumulating words in a string to console someone after the demise of a loving member is an onerous task. We try to lessen the mourning person’s grief to its lowest extent. But sometimes picking those points and actions which are excessively sensitive can elevate the emotions. Opting for the right words which can soothe, comfort and help are the need of that crucial hour when a closed one is in the most vulnerable state. These help them become less hurt and upset. But it is not easy to choose for them. We usually never discuss death as it haunts everyone with the fact of separation. Then obviously it makes us stuck when we choose the appropriate words.

Although there is not a specific rule action and set of words that can comfort the bereaved person fully, efforts can do magic. Everyone grieves differently and the requirement for tacking with that grief is also different. Usually, family members and friends are someone they need at that time. So the words rely on the circumstance with which they are going through.

Mostly used words on someone’s demise

Here is a cluster of words that can comfort people regardless of a specific circumstance.

1. I am deeply sorry for your loss. I can understand, what you are going through.
2. Consider me available at any time when you want to share a bit of your huge pain.
3. I wish I can change the occurrence that drenched you in deep sorrow. But all I can say is I am terribly sorry.
4. Speculating the grief you are facing now is so painful. I am thinking of you every single moment. I wish you all the strength to cope with this tough situation.
5. I was shocked when I heard the news of your immense loss. I know you are struggling with your toughest battle right now. Please let me know if I can lessen this pain in any way.
6. Sometimes it seems like the world is so cruel. I know it is not easy to accept this but there is no other way. Wishing you all the comfort.
7. The time and place will not play the role of a hurdle in reaching me. Feel no hesitation in making a call or in visiting home.
8. The haunting news affected me so badly that I could not believe it for a few moments.

Sometimes we feel very helpless. We want to do every single thing that can create some relief for the mourning person. But only words are not sufficient in this. Leaving someone alone in such a difficult time will be counted among the cruel things one can do. So make an effort along with the lip servicing.

Act of consoling

It can put you in a state of dilemma that whether it is right or not. But pay heed to the fact that it is a situation when mental and emotional agony dominates the cognitive space of someone’s mind. Here a small but effective kind gesture can soothe them to the maximum.

1. You can send a card in which you can pour out your emotions for supporting the grieving person.
2. Make a short phone call because voices have the quality that can relieve a person to a greater stretch.
3. If calling over the phone is not convenient for you then a voice message can be the best alternative. With it, you can accumulate all your sensitive words drenched in deep care and love.
4. Try to make a visit to the home. Having a word with the person who has lost a family member or friend will be more effective than any other thing. If you feel okay carrying a small bouquet of white flowers then take it because white signifies peace and except for peace the grieving person will require nothing in such a difficult state.
5. A gentle hug can make them realize that there are a lot of people who care for them and want them to sail through this difficult time.

Before making any decision think twice about their state and then step forward.

What one Should Not Say

Everyone talks and thinks about the statements they can refer to a person who recently lost a close one. But we forget about the domain which carries the information about the words that one should not use while visiting the home of the deceased person, making a phone call or writing a message. These words can scratch the fresh wounds of one’s heart instead of healing them. You must avoid the statements like-

1. The happening of incidents is certain and they occur for a reason- Often people say this phrase when they contact or visit a person who is grappling with never-ending grief. Nobody can accept that people die for a reason. A reason will be always inexplicable in defining someone’s loss. So avoid saying such words.
2. Never start a statement with at least- Usually, people say sentences like,” At least you are not facing a more grave situation than this.” They feel it will make a person comfortable but nothing like this is going to help a person who has just sensed a sudden jolt. It is already too much for the grieving one. Remember such circumstances are not subject to comparison.
3. Do not stop a person from crying- One has to understand that crying is a natural process that aids someone in overcoming the loss of a loved one. Saying words like,” you have cried a lot, now please stop crying.” It is entirely understandable that you are concerned for the health of a person who is mourning but it varies from person to person how much time one takes in accepting the loss. Along with it, you should not say to cry to someone just because he or she is following the way of silence in expressing the grief. In fact, you must never tell a way to someone how to react to the grief.
4. Skip saying, I can understand your feelings.- No one can go to that extent of sorrow that a bereaved person is feeling. Sympathesising through such sentences will never help the person. Everyone embraces a distinct way of accepting the harsh reality. So you can not feel akin to the mourning person.
5. Move on now- It will be very insensitive to say that one should move on after the demise of a loving person. Similar to the physical wounds, the wounds of the heart also take time in healing. Some take days, some take months or some take years in accepting. For some people, it becomes a source of never-ending pain also. Nobody can wipe out the memories which were created in the presence of the departed soul. So avoid saying to move on at such moments.

The Most Important thing to do, listening

In the haste of consoling someone, we forget that we must listen to the person who is trying to express the agony through the words. You must respond to the actions and thoughts which one uses while evoking pleasant memories. Listening can replace all kinds of acts of comforting a grieving person.

Share this blog